The 30th....

It's been raining cats&dogs all day long. The sun's nowhere to be found.

Then sometime during the morning, something about the weather made me think of how I've been feeling lately...(with all the bruhahaha that I encountered for what seem to be a month-long event for me).

With the recollection of how I used to behave and react to things that crosses my path...so badly wanting them to be part my life... yet time and again heaven seem to say "no"... I made a realization that I seem to be pushing myself to someone who never seem to be that much interested at all. Though at back of my mind, I can't simply let the person go... but it seem like I don't have much of a choice but to do so. But honestly, in my heart, I'm praying this rejection for now will turn out for good somewhere along the way.

And I'm still hoping that the uncomfortableness and reservations will somehow be replaced with trust and openness toward me. A super long shot to the moon it may sound.... but as the saying goes "nothing is impossible under the sun"..."nothing is impossible with wholehearted prayer" ...and "nothing is constant but change"....so I hold on to the belief that this will come to pass in this lifetime.

With this prayers and hopes within my heart and in my pockets.... I'll be waiting....patiently.

MGHMOMS :D

The midweek....

A bit boring day.... still haven't got the motivation to work on anything.

Don't know how long will this go on and for me to hold on.

Unfortunately, few things flashed back just this morning... of the event that I prayed for.
And the sad thing is, my prayer came out unanswered with the facts coming back to mind.... giving me not just one but three signs that what I prayed for will never happen.

First, the person didn't even bother telling me anything firsthand.... 2nd, even though I tried to ask and get the person to talk..still never even bothered... then the 3rd and final blow... came up just this morning...and heaven knows how bad it made me feel..... frustrated and ignored...ggrrrrrr.

Good part is I'm not feeling super bad and low self esteem today. It must have been by the fact that I saw the one person who I can't help but be happy seeing...whew!!!

I wish something much better will surface anytime very soon..... before the not-so-good thoughts could cloud up my sanity.....hehehehe.

Still holding on......MGHMOMS....

Nada.....

Seem like walang mangyayaring walking sa bridge tonight..... papalamig na lang cguro...aammffff

Feeling so low... I don't seem to have enough strength for this.... brought about by that so untimely NEWS earlier..... so so so so at the wrong time.

All is well (but not for all it seem).

Now I can really say....Some good things never last. :(

Then Tuesday happened.....

Feeling weird upon getting up from bed this morning.

Don't have any idea yet what may come up.... but the uneasiness was starting to build up.

So after Lunch, I decided to go to the hanging bridge at Cabadbaran. Spent few minutes there... though nothing spectacular was around but it was a nice place for me (maybe because it was my first time to walk on such structure..and be there too).

That was never planned but I pushed through with it having the idea that something will really come up that may somehow make feel so down (in one way or another) and I might so not be able to hold myself together. Good thing I did.

And not to my surprise....was yet on the bus bound home... when I got my most feared news... THE NEWS.....and I don't know what to think and say (as if I can really say anything about it).

Instantly, my brain cells went berserk yata..... but I have to stay composed knowing I'm still on the bus.... hehehhe.

I was expecting to hear it from the one who I thought would be the first person to tell me this news that just flew out and bumped right to my face. But that never happened.... and then the realization started to sink in.

The event that I prayed for to happen started to flash to me and made me realize that my prayer will never come to pass..... because what happened was the total opposite of what I whole-heartedly prayed for. A very sad moment indeed.

Upon arrival, I have to put on a smile because I don't think crying will be a smart idea.

So I just went through my captured moments from the hanging bridge to calm down myself.... though God knows how I was so bleeding deep inside. It helped somehow... for a moment or so.

Don't know how to react to everything from hereon..... come what may....good luck to me....MGHMOMS.

Then came Monday....

Was not able to have any sleep at all..... as in.... I was feeling so weird.

Spend the first half of the day waiting for the useless WiFi to function.... which never came to happen.... so frustrating.

Then came the other half (which was somehow a surprise to few, even to myself) that I spent my afternoon at Happy warehouse... the real place.... where I handed over to Luigi those pics which I captured from the Caasinan event.

The weird part... I stayed there until 6pm... whew!!!.... it was rather scary to think that anytime Si-che might spur out of nowhere there.... good thing it didn't happen.

So spent the rest of my time making kulit on Nana and Luigi.... which was somehow annoying but so so so can't help myself... hehehe.

All in all.... that was not a bad move after all..... from what came later.... I'm glad I did and dared.

On a Sunday....

Haven't been able to post updates since last weekend.....simple because of a malfunctioning WiFi whatever..... hhaayyzzz.....


For a starter.... the morning half of Sunday was spent on waiting game.....hehehehe
Then just after noon... we (me, Luigi & Ella) went to Caasinan.... and it's on of those
feel-good moment (for me, don't know with them...hehehe).

Though we haven't stayed long enough to watch the sun to set at its half part...(coz if we did we might not be able to get back in time home) ....sayang nga eh... but what we captured there and those along the way were very good...

Luigi had already posted few of what he captured there.... and unfortunately, I haven't been able to do so....hhaayyzzz...but wanna do it the soonest.

The day was not that bad after all.

Last night....

I was feeling a bit low yesterday.
End of the day came in almost quickly it started getting dark before we knew it.

So around 8pm... I went out walking to ease out the feeling. I walked through the old bridge... to the end of the extention path (at the crossing) and back. I walked back and forth 4times and it was such a feel-good activity so far.

And I forgot that it was day of San Juan pala, kaya there were water splashing event... and am just lucky not to be wet out though I've been walking near those who spills water at the vehicles passing by. There was even a PUJ that broke its windshield (passenger side) which must have been caused by something thrown at him along the way. Luckily, no one was sitting with the driver at the front sit.

Another good thing is....it didn't rain.... and the wind was really exhilarating . Though, can't see much throughout the river except those tinnie-bittsie lights, still the place really is super calming and relaxing.

Not to mention that it amused me big time that I was not easily exhausted (in fact, I didn't feel it at all). If not because of the time running late...I really wanted to stay there til dawn. So I just stayed there until around 1am.....hehehehe

So it turned out to be not so bad day after all. :)

Not much....

Still can't come up with the report....this is starting to get into my nerves....
.....kakagigil na kainis minsan...hehehehe

...grabbed few old photos from of Ian, Ling, & Ruthie from photobucket...
..still to decide which blog will I post it.....mmmmm... will post them soon....
...a bit kakahiya but dhuh!!!.... old pics look really eeww and usually funny...hahaha :)

But am always looking forward to Marc's new postings.... hehehehe :)

Hhhmmmm.....

Disappointing Day :(

Marc's Beloved......

Am not sure if I even have the slightest right to react to such an important day of Marc's beloved mother.

Am just glad she did her best in raising her children.

Though I won't ever have that opportunity to share same experience in that aspect, can't help but be amused at the thought of how nice it would feel to have your mother right by your side.

And personally, I can never picture our paths to cross and much more to how will I react to such a terrifying moment, still I believe everybody deserves at least a civil respect notwithstanding all our differences and shortcomings.

But all the same, am just glad that Marc is innately blessed with very good heart. :)

Fast pace....

It's been 24 days past Sa-che's laying down...... for most people, everything seem to go back the way they used to be.

But let's face it, much has changed since then. Si-che and Sa-ko has more time now (more than ever) to be with each other (as if they have other choice). But am glad that they are back to how they were (just like they used to be- so together).

Just last 16th, they flew together to Manila then Hongkong.... and am glad they are doing this, knowing it's been a super long while since they have had such almost rare out-of-town moments together. And better part is Sa-ko will return today safe and sound (from Manila or Cebu..am not sure) but I was hoping they could have spent it a little more time (for 2-3 days more).

The not-so-good part is...the program I told Saks about which we run for testing only push for only a day it seem....This is rather super challenging yet frustrating.
Still hoping for the program to push through....God willing.

Marc..... he's hhhmmmm....

On May 28th......

Came the day of Sa-che's laying down.

I was not able to go to the mass and stayed and somehow stuck at mana's place.
Good thing, the people in-charge at the burial site requested for tables, so we were able to hitch and got ourselves to the place.

Upon arrival.... Yayang, cuarts and many others were there...amongst them was Marc.

Conversations flew in and out immediately.

To my surprise, Marc said "uban ra ta ug table unya hia ha?".... and can't really explain how I felt. I almost laughed out loud, out of gladness for such invitation.

And who am I to say no to such "music-to-my-ears" request?
So without hesitation, I just said "sure"....hehehehehe

And so the laying down came to pass.

Then, we went out to Caraga Hotel to eat out "Mi".

And so it happened. There we were, sharing the table.
Such an awkward moment for me.
Don't know what to say-don't know what to do at first.
But I guess, something within pushed me to start up and talk out to Marc.
Though, I can sense the uneasiness in him, I wished it to fade out then.

And we talked about whatevers.
Then the moment came to pass quickly as it came.
Before I knew it, the chat was over.
Good thing, I was able to save Marc's digits (& Michellie's).

Then the waiting and wondering started........
.....(for me...alone)....

The good things that came along......

Though it what happened with Sa-che was not-so-good event, but something good came out of it.

On the night of 26th, where I was around with Marlyn, Marlon and our cousins, I had the courage to call up to Marc and showed him a picture of De-che (from a family portrait brought by Go-che).
It was such a scary moment, knowing it was the first...and I don't know how would he react to such.
Fortunately for me, Marc was good enough to move along to my calling.
Surprise was written all over his face.

For me, I consider that as "got the guts" moment. Knowing that it's not really my style to be the first to speak to those who I don't have much to deal with.

Though I didn't have the guts to talk to him after then, I kept wondering how will it be if I'll go my way and talk to him all through, every time I catch a glimpse of him.

Watching him being that close to Yayang, cuarts and others.... gives me "hhhmmmm" moment.

Such a "so-near-yet-so-far" feeling.

From then, I wonder what he thought of me calling him up saying those lines?
Then, left him and didn't even bother speaking up to him after......hhhhmmm......

The day......

Last May 25th, Sache passed away and it was such struck of something we so-called like-a-thief-it-shall-come. That was such a sad day for all of us. He was laid to rest by the 28th with the chinese calendar as guide that there would be no other better day to do so sooner.

With such short time, we just pray that he'll be where God will greet him, with the angels guiding him along.

For the longest time.....

It's been a while now......

Much has changed.... even myself (for goodness sake, I hope).

Much to talk about... much to tell...with someone I can really rely on......hhhmmmm

Be back again later to post latest events....

Among the best person ever to come along.......

My my my.......